A friend recently shared a thought with me that has resonated deeply. It is easy to focus on godly living rather than on God. I have become increasingly aware of how hard I try to live a good life, doing things the "right" way, all the while feeling inadequate with a trail of failures behind me. I think I know the kind of girl God wants - wife, mother, homekeeper - and I get distracted from Him with the tasks involved in my "godly living". I become focused on doing things His way that I, often times, don't walk with Him at all.
A new orientation is growing. It is one where He is IT. Jesus is who I walk hand in hand with through this life and that relationship trumps my notion of godly living. For this to be true, I must spend time with Him. Lots of time. Not an obligatory prayer or quiet time, a quick reading of the Word. I need an empty space of time where I can meet with my Creator. I want to know Him, walk with Him, draw close to His heart, be transformed by Him and that takes intimate, focused time. Time that, I confess, I have not given Him - ever, really. So focused was I on the doing of His work.
A freedom is growing in my heart as a result of this. I can let go of all of the "supposed to's," the priorities and obligations I created (or the world creates), and trust that looking up to the Father will give me all the direction I need. If there is conviction, I heed it. If there is direction, I follow it. If not, I just keep my eyes on Him and He will lead. I feel now that my life is not my job - it is His to do with as He pleases. Concert flutist? Stay at home mom? Homeschooler? Whatever, Lord. I trust You and I take away my value judgments of what is "supposed to be" and give You back the control of shaping my heart and my life.
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